EMF Humor
and EMF Consultant Jokes

A humorous way to make a serious point.  EMF humor can open doors to initiating conversation on an important topic while setting people at ease. As they say, "Many a true word spoken in jest".

An EMF Consultant was Stopped at the Pearly Gates ...

A Certified EMF Expert Consultant died and stopped at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter looked over his chart and had bad news. "According to my records, you are not scheduled to be admitted to heaven. You go to the other place." The consultant was very disappointed, but followed the path down, down, down, past the creaky iron gates to Lucifer's fiery abyss.

A couple weeks later, St. Peter found the missing log entry. The consultant was supposed to be in heaven after all! So he called Lucifer. "You know that EMF Consultant we sent you, that was a mistake. He's ours. You need to send him back."

But by this time, Lucifer was getting used to having the EMF Consultant on staff. "Send him back? Are you kidding? You've got plenty of consultants up there. This is the first EMF Consultant I ever got, and Certified to boot! And since he got here, things have been improving rapidly. Our power lines are running without any electrical discharge. Our hazardous electromagnetic fields are a thing of the past thanks to shielding. He even suggested that we could  shield the giant generators that power the air-conditioning, So now, they run so much more safely that we can leave them on longer and the  remaining heat is run into hot tubs everywhere!  We have cool water piped all throughout Hades!   It's not not as hell anymore.  It's like heav--, I mean, it's great! Not only that, even  the clocks are all battery powered now and never need resetting after an outage, which drove me nuts! I'm going to keep him and there's nothing you can do about it!"

St. Peter was insistent, "If you don't sent him back, I'll sue. You leave me no other choice ."

Lucifer laughed. "Sue? Don't be ridiculous. Where are YOU going to find a lawyer?"

An EMF Consultant was Taking Measurements ...

An EMF Consultant was taking meter measurements next to a power line corridor to determine the biological safety levels of the EMF fields for a homeowners nearby.  A homeowner asked him if he was in danger of being too near a high voltage situation. He replied reassuringly "Don't worry, I've been told I have no potential".

An EMF Consultant was on a Top Secret Mission ...

An EMF Consultant was on a top secret ops mission  and all radio wave communications were limited to strictly official business. The consultant's wife was about to give birth to their first child, so he made a deal with the radio operators to have the announcement sent to him in an officially coded message.

When the happy event happened  he received the official message, "The radio parts have arrived in good order", and replied ...

"Acknowledged. Please inform if EMF receiver or transmitter."

A Dr, an EMF Consultant and a Telecomm Exec were Talking ...

A medical Doctor, an EMF Consultant, and a Telecomm Industry Exec were debating about what was the oldest profession in the world according to Christian scripture.

The doctor started… "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam’s body. This must have required surgery, and so I can claim with a high degree of confidence that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The EMF Consultant responded, and said, "But earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most impressive application of EMF consulting. Therefore, dear doctor, you are wrong: EMF consulting is surely the oldest profession in the world."

The Telecomm Exec  leaned back in his chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

A Man Walked into an EMF Consultant's Office ...

A man walked into an EMF Consultant's office and inquired about the rates for undertaking an EMF investigation and remediation.

"Well, typically we scope, structure and plan the assignment in advance, and charge $150 an hour (plus sales tax and expenses) for three questions", replied the consultant.

"Isn't that ridiculously expensive?" asked the man.

"Yes," the EMF Consultant replied, "and what was your third question?"

One day an EMF Consultant was walking in the woods ...

An EMF Consultant was walking through the forest one day when a frog called out to him from the side of the path...

It said "If you kiss me, I'll turn into an enchanting, beautiful prince/princess". She/He bent over, picked up the frog, put it in his pocket and continued with his walk.

The frog chimed up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into an enchanting and beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The guy stopped, took the frog out of his pocket, smiled fondly at it, returned it to his pocket and resumed his walk.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into an enchanting, beautiful princess, I will stay with you forever ." Again the guy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asks in exasperation, "What is wrong with you?  I've told you I'm an enchanting, beautiful princess; that I'll stay with you and be your girlfriend forever. Why won't you kiss me?"

The guy said, "Look, I'm an EMF Consultant. I am so busy keeping my clients safe in these times of rampant electrosmog I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog – How Cool is THAT!! "

A Man walks into a Headhunter's Shop ...

A man walked into a Headhunter's shop In a village in darkest Africa and saw this sign:

  • EMF Consultant brains  $20 /lb
  • Engineer brains $8 /lb
  • Doctor brains $7 /lb
  • Ordinary brains $5 /lb 
  • FCC board member brains $2 /lb

The man asked why the EMF Consultant's brains cost ten times the price of the FCC brains, and the Headhunter replied, "You have to appreciate how many FCC board members we have to catch to get a pound of brains!"

How Many EMF Consultants Does it take to Change a Lightbulb?

How many consultants does it take to change a florescent light bulb to a low EMF lightbulb?

  • It depends – “How large is your EMF Remediation budget?”

  • We don't know. The electrical code doesn't say it needs changing

  • Three. One to change the bulb, and two to coach him/her on how to conform to the ICNRIP, FCC and IEEE safety standard process.

  • Four. One to change the bulb and three to contemplate how the 1,697 page BioInitiative Report would recommend to do it

  • Six. One to change the bulb and five lobbyists to try to convince him that the industry in question says it was fine  the way it was.

Cellphone Humor

"But if you don't learn to read and write how are you ever going to text?" - Dave Carpenter, cartoon caption, children talking at a school bus stop

___________

"OMG! Ther wos a tym wen ppl talked 2 1 another?"
A James Witworth, cartoon caption, depicting two teens walking to school texting on their cellphones in response to hearing it's the 40th anniversary of the cellphone.

____________

'Your mother and I would give up our lives for you, sell our souls for you, but we would laugh like insane clowns if you were to seriously ask for a smartphone, so there you have the boundaries of our love in the clearest terms."  Wise and Aldrich, cartoon caption, father talking to his son

Electrical Engineer turned EMF Consultant jokes

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